It rarely is a day if it is not with you. The words are like a clutter
of a mob sinking into space. I know you like the rain that comes, angry as the
clouds meekly rage in the silent skies. We try to be angry too but its tears
wet our argument and we run. We run into an empty room where you hide the tears
that have welled up within your eyes. You are the beautiful heroine in this
story about a story that’s hardly amusing. Yet we are alone in this room and
the thoughts that make our minds are mindless. I envision your naked dream, how
the sight of your breast would look as the light glares at them, would they be
standing like soldiers on a parade to war, or would they be as modest as the
sweet arch of a mother bending to nurture her young seed. I debate with the
lust in my mind and watch how your body flowed in the wet clothes. The tension
was palpable but what was I to do? I could run into the rain again, but for how
long could I run before you turn and realize that I was a coward to my own
desires? I debated scarcely and my eyes wandered, and in a wild moment, the
tension changed.
It is your room and I am the stranger. You move towards the window and
stand, smiling as I shiver in the scathing cold. You took out your large
jacket, threw it gently at me and whispered, “This may size you up perfectly”.
I pause as I debated what exactly you meant, but I am not a soothsayer so I
stand defeated, I take up the wet t shirt and for a minute you stared at me
too, with that same lost look. I try to wear the jacket as fast as I could but
I have no reprieve, the struggle was a clumsy fit of comical restraints, you
laugh at my efforts and move towards me. I freeze as you come closer, bemused
by what may have crossed your mind. You lean close to me and I feel the tender
feel of your skin, how like the linen, the touch of your skin softly graced my
body. And the fire started within, a ripple of desire that subdued my loins. I
felt my river growing within. You did not seem to notice as you held me close,
you unzipped the zipper that was my woe, and moved away while laughing at my
clumsiness, it may feel corny but I love the way you laugh.
The jacket makes the room a little warm, I am on the bed as you search
through your clothes, I watch you, and then you bend, the sight of your curves
formed a perfect arch, it seemed a little strange but I moved below, excited by
a darkness I rarely understand. But you still don’t notice. You just picked up
the clothes, and without turning you undressed, naked as heavens truth, your
body stood, staring at me, counting my desire like the waters of a rushing
stream. My body quivered at the sight. I even saw you when I closed my eyes.
You changed into a tight fitting trouser, and wore a t shirt like mine, then a
jacket, and then you followed me to your bed. But the rain had done its damage
as we found out. Both shivering under the blanket that covered us.
We remembered biology, how the heat between two bodies conducted. You
turned and said I should wrap my arms around you, I hesitate and you hiss, but
you cannot be deterred so you turned and faced me, drawing your firm petite
frame into mine, you then turned facing the other way, wrapping my arms tamely
around you. It felt magical, the feeling of our bodies side by side. And alone
we drifted, in the warmth of a friendship we wandered into perfect dreams.
Minutes later you brushed my hair, my faint sight caught a glimpse of your
beautiful face. You lay over me, admiring whatever caught your fancy. “kiss
me!!” you ordered as you leaned into me. I felt lost for I had never kissed
another. But you were gentle, caring, you embraced my lips with a subtle grace,
and as I returned the act, it felt like time slowed its movement to see us
through. Back and forth we kissed, until I felt your hands losing its grip on
me, the jacket slowly coming off. I had
to stop you then. For though I loved nothing more, I could not steal your grace
at just a glance, even though all desires said yes, I felt inclined to say no.
the evening may be magical, but we would have to wake up to life tomorrow.
You left me on the bed, silent. Angry with a rage that showed the
thought of rejection, you seem to think it’s about the girl from before but it
is not. For no girl could cross the bounds of the feelings I have for you. But
you are still angry that you offered me yourself and I rejected it. I like to
think that such a moment was made for our regret, a simple pleasure that will
drive a wedge. The truth is, I am afraid, but I am not afraid of you. I was
afraid of me. And the many faces and mirrors in my life.
You never understood. You refused to talk to me for the rest of the
week. I tried my best, but your silent walls were deafening, so I receded. But the end of the week showed you why, when walking
alone, I collapsed on the floor with a violent jerk.
“
Run away” the crowd called out, and you stood there staring, watching as I
convulsed, a little struggle, then a violent jerk, a little scratch, a
beautiful madness, it was another face you had never seen, but it was still me
underneath. The minutes ran longer as you cried, the voices of your friends
were louder, “ how can you love a boy that is possessed?” they asked in their
own veil of concern.
The questions haunted you, but I cannot blame you my love. It is a
brutal world, and love pays its price. So I watched in silence, as you grew too
afraid to talk to me; scared of what I was, unsure of what I wasn’t. The road between us grew long. My heart is
here but yours is long gone. Away into the night of the lovers I would never
have.
You see! This is a story about you. A girl I loved in spite of my
faults, and how you showed me the lonely road, where what I had in the bag
mattered. The insomnia grows through the nights. I have a host of new faces
that I could not fully love. Afraid that my own shadow would outrun me someday.
This story is not for regret, it is just to remind you that I am still
searching for the love, which made me realize that loving you, was much greater
than having you. But I am just a talking page, and you are you, I remain me.
BY Elijah Abuni Peter
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